Swamp Man

Tired of being nothing but a spittoon for your pity,
Tired of being just "that cripple on the East side of the city",
He bruits around a rumour to the tabloid press,
About some miracle man found living in a primordial abyss.

Extra! Extra! Read it and gasp
He's got the media in his little finger's grasp,
And now everyone's lining up in seminars,
To take advice from that hot new guru of the stars.

     Swamp man, a bona fide amphibian,
     He's come aground, from the down-below,
     He's the swamp man, a marketing magician,
     Visionaire, extraordinaire, so the story goes.

Yeah, he hung up a shingle, put a turban on
And lo, and behold, it was like a transformation.
Paperbacks, videos, interviews, exposes,
He's slipping through 'em all with his peculiar swamp man ways.

Those who used to pass him along the way,
And who wouldn't have even given him the time of day,
They're the ones who're now calling, calling him up in a crunch,
Answering machine says, yeah, sure, we'll do lunch.

     Swamp man, psycho-technician,
     If you're wired, or mired in a rut,
     Swamp man, sort of socio-haruspexian,
     Telling you what to do, when you spill your gut.

Back then he didn't have limousine waiting at the curb,
Back then he didn't have bodyguard yelling do not disturb,
But that was back then; baby, those days are over.

Girls are singing, "Ooh, swamp man,
Who you gonna take down with you to your ashram?"
It's just like you and I have always guessed,
He who rebbits last, rebbits the very best.

     Swamp man, out of the procrustean,
     You can crash with just a dash of pep,
     (So says the) swamp man, the change will be promethean,
     But you gotta have, the Madison 'Ave.' in your step.

Swamp man, personality physician,
Swamp man, popularity mechanician,
Swamp man, gentleman reptilian,
Swamp man, saurian patrician.